If you find yourself at rock bottom, it can quite literally feel like hell. I know this, because I have been there. My experience is that you have to be prepared to climb, even if it is one inch at a time, and potentially from the very bottom of a very large mountain.
Below are the 10 most important lessons I learnt along the way. If you are struggling then I hope they help you.
Most of the time you cannot just teleport out of a situation, but if you let that reality overcome you then you will never leave it.
1. Use whatever fuel is available to you, but look to change to more healthy options when you can.
What pushes you forward that you have access to? Rage? Fear? Competitiveness? These are not healthy fuels but if it’s all you have at the time, find a way to utilise them productively. But remember, over time these fuels will have a negative effect on you, so when you can, change.
2. The climb is the destination. From a meta perspective, you are already “out”.
Now you are moving, notice your improved state of mind. Learn that although you are still not in an ideal state, you have made a quantum leap from the helpless hell you were in before you started. Appreciate this and remember it.
3. Continually work to increase your number of options.
Life is not a straight line into the future. Looking back into the past misleads us into thinking it is. Have a vague long term view of where you want to be, have a number of clearer options, but not too specified for your more medium term view, and have a collection of short term next steps that could allow you to leap frog your way towards these mid term goals. Aim to have multiple options available to you as you travel along. If you find yourself lacking in next steps or midterm options, work to increase these, it will make you less vulnerable and allow you to progress faster.
4. Focus on the summit, but stop and look back down the mountain, often.
When all around you is hell, a unwavering focus on a distant summit or heavenly state as you progress towards it can provide a sense of well-being and empowerment once alien to you. But remember, whenever you start to think it may be too far away, turn back, look down and see how far you have climbed.
5. Realise that there is no summit, learn to love your climbing boots and healthy fuel.
At some point you will gain enough momentum and progress that you can become lost if you remain on an unhealthy fuel and/or purely focused on the summit, missing the less hell like surroundings you now find yourself amongst. Don’t miss it! Say thank you to the summit, it helped you get here, but actually I enjoy the climb, it’s good for me, and I don’t want some summit to bring this to an end. My life will now be about embracing purposeful climbs, whilst appreciating my surroundings.
6. Do not seek or expect happiness, that is a sure path to misery. Look for purpose, meaning, worth.
Happiness is not the meaning of life, don’t expect it to be a constant in your life and don’t question your life if you do not have it constantly. Happiness is to be found in moments of joy, but it is purpose that brings life meaning. A life with purpose is a well lived life, don’t worry, happiness will visit you on your way.
7. Reach down and help others up, but only if they are willing.
Nothing will bring you more fulfilment than services to others. You found a way out? Cool, tell somebody! Show them that there is a way. But don’t drag them. Remember your own hell, we can only make this journey when we decide and commit to doing so. At this point you can provide a helping hand during a tricky ascent, or correct bearing on the map. Not at this point, it can become a ball and chain, dragging you back down the mountain.
8. Continually assess and reframe.
What motivated you initially will likely become less relevant over time as you progress along your journey. There are limits of growth, and when you reach the tipping point your life can become unbalanced. Stop and ask, why did I actually want this, what was I trying to get from it? Do I have that now? Are there other things I should be balancing or doing that would be more healthy now I am in the privileged situation of choosing what’s best for me?
9. Look down, across and sometimes up. Reflect on which is most useful to you at the time.
The person with no car wants the car, the person with the car wants the Ferrari, the person with the Ferrari wants the Helicopter, the person with the Helicopter wants the private jet and the person with the private jet wants the space rocket… what is important is that you will generally find vast amounts of people doing better, worse and around about the same as you. Try to see them as a whole person, not just through a financial/career view. If you wouldn’t want somebody’s life don’t want their job, if you wouldn’t want their job don’t want their life. Looking down humbles you and should bring a level of gratefulness, but remember… don’t get too content, we need those mountains! Looking across shows you your peer group, are you comfortable here, are you challenging yourself enough? Looking up can provide a sense of distain, jealously or crushing demotivation if not managed correctly. From another view it can also provide you a levelling sense of context as you see how much some people sacrifice from other aspects of their life to achieve high success in one or a few specific areas, at the cost of others. If you truly reflect on what you want and what you are willing to balance/sacrifice for that, commit and enjoy the hike. Just, please, remember the climb.
10. Excuses are for politics, ways and means are for you and yours.
Life has never been and will never be fair. If you want it to be more so, work towards a life and career in political influence. Fight for improvements for all. But from a personal view, all you can do is work from where you are, with what you have. We all have our own privileges and disadvantages, it’s all part of the climb. What matters is the distance covered not the start and end points (there is no summit!). Because the view from 15,000 feet to a person who lived their entire life at sea level is more significant than the view from 20,000 feet to the person born at 17,000 feet.
Concepts
⁃ Compounding
Good and bad habits compound over time. It can be overwhelming to see the habits and routines of hyper successful and capable people from your disorganised, procrastinating place. But start small, add one good habit, once it is embedded, add another. It will soon become self reinforcing and pick up its own momentum.
⁃ Falling vs climbing 🧗♂️
I have talked a lot about “the climb”, and it is important to note that you fall far faster and with far less effort than you climb. If you do not embrace the climb and learn to enjoy the upward struggle for what it is, then the ease of the fall can be alluring when times get tough. We all fall from time to time, if you can, stop yourself as early as possible, know it’s all part of the climb, you’ve done this part of the route before, so you can do it again.
⁃ Delayed gratification
What can be done in a year, 3, 5, 10 years? Don’t trade a long term gain for a short term distraction.
A useful model
I developed a 4 factor model which I use to sustain myself as I progress through life’s challenges. The 4 factors are Discipline, Habit, Motivation and Fear. Too often we think motivation of a future state will enable us to make long hard changes. But like happiness, motivation comes and goes. Habit and routine are excellent at taking up this slack as you build good habits into your daily routines. However, as life’s unexpected realities come hurtling at you, life can throw off a routine, this is where discipline needs to hold you to your commitment and to find a new way to get what needed to be done, done. And fear can drive discipline when habit and motivation are missing.
– Discipline
Grow your capability to be disciplined, if you say you are going to run everyday, run, everyday. If you have work to do, do it. If you need to learn more skills, learn them. Grow your discipline gradually, don’t be hard on yourself, compound the discipline over time. Start small and let compounding take over.
– Habit
Create healthy habits and routines that enable you to do things that are good for you. Exercise at the same time each day, get outside at the same time each morning, schedule regular meetings with friends and loved ones, put in a routine for learning and growth.
– Motivation
Find sources of motivation: books, videos, blogs, successful networks of trusted people, writing down goals, visualising future states. Pull on these when you need them, but don’t rely on them to always be there, they won’t. That’s why you need discipline and habits.
– Fear
Running towards and running away can both motivate us. As we run towards the life we want we also run away from the life we don’t want. If you started off in hell, you know what you are running from.
If you read this blog and found it useful, then I wrote it for you.
Systems Ninja 